Hammer & Fail
by RhiDaBatch3
Summary: When Thor manages to fill up the tower with junk, Tony decides that he, Bruce, and Thor are going to add one more floor to Stark Tower. Based off the Eddsworld toon by the same name.


**Hammer & Fail pt.1**

**...**

Another bright and sunny day in New York city and the Avengers in Stark tower were all waking up to start the day.

Well if they were morning people that is. Tony Stark had a hangover from hell. He guessed that's what he got for going on a two day party binge in Europe that ended in Germany's Oktoberfest the day before but he wasn't going to admit that. It was much easier to blame it on everything else. He was hunched over at the counter, head resting in one hand with a Bloody Mary in the other. Bruce was sitting across from him not much more awake. The doctor was never really a morning person to start with and having only gotten an hour of sleep thanks to Tony crashing into the lab still half dressed in Iron Man armor, it was even worse. So he wasn't fairing any better. Still, despite the raging headache Stark had, the need to annoy his lab mate was too strong and he forced a smile as he looked at Banner. "So, Banner. Sleep well last night?" He gave the man a rather cocky smirk to which Bruce deliberately started chewing louder as an obvious sign he was in no mood for the games. Tony only grinned more as he took another sip of his drink. "Is that a yes then-?"

Just has he finished speaking the kitchen doors slid open and with his usual upbeat and boomingly loud voice, Thor stepped in. "Banner! Stark! Look what I came across whilst on my morning saunter across the area!" The overly eager blonde set what looked like it was once a lamp-post on the counter between the two. Where the light bulb should go was now and 8-ball and spoons were nailed down and sticking out every which way. "I can not imagine why somebody would wish to be rid of such a treasure!"

Bruce paused from the bowl of cereal he was eating, brow raised as he looked at the thing. "What IS it…?"

"I believe it to be a Midgardian artifact of the like Jane would be interested in!" The man absolutely beamed as he looked on the object as if it were the Holy Grail.

"I believe it to be a tie rack." Bruce said rather unamused as he went back to his frosted flakes.

"It looks like it could be valuable." Thor ignored the good doctor's comment as he went on grinning.

"It looks like junk!" Tony retorted with a chuckle as he arched a brow, looking the thing over.

"I can not wait t-…" The demi god paused there, looking at them both with a frown.

"Well whatever it is it can go up in YOUR room with the rest of your 'Midgardian treasures'." Tony said as he waved a hand as if to shoo off the blonde and took another drink or the red mixture in his glass.

The thunder god frowned but turned and marched off to do just that. Overly smart mortals and thinking they know everything. Could not even take in the beauty of their own past being too blinded by their sciences! He muttered angrily to himself as he made his way back up to his room. "I will simply phone Jane and tell her of my-… Oh." Blue eyes were wide for a mere moment before an avalanche of junk rained down on the demi god.

Bruce and Tony had both gotten up at the sound of the crash and Thor's yelp followed by Asgardian curses. The pair made their way to the thunder god's room only to pause at the amount of junk now spilling out of the place. Bruce blinked a bit as he arched a brow not really believing it. How on earth could one man fill up an entire floor full of nothing more than junk? "Well… It would seem we need more space around here…"

"Well I guess the only logical option is to add another floor on the tower." Tony added off handedly as he leaned against the wall. He didn't seem near as phased by the idea as Bruce did. They lived in a tower! How on earth did they already need another floor? The billionaire simply shut his eyes for a second as he tipped his head back and polished off his drink.

Bruce looked at the man in utter shock. Surely Tony was kidding… There was no way he was serious… He wasn't changing his mind and saying otherwise. Okay fine. He could play along. "Sure I guess." Bruce said putting his index finger to his chin in mock thought. "We could hire some builders and… then…" He had to pause there, the blonde and the billionaire had slummed an arm over each other's shoulder as they grinned. Bruce's face dropped and he crossed his arms over his chest. "You both do realize that we have no exper- NO THOR WAIT. What are you doing with the hammer?" Before he could finish the demi god had thrown it through the wall, making a nicely sized hole to witch Toy proceeded to ram into until the wall fell. This… was going to be a chore.

**…**

With Tony's what seemed to be endless supply of materials, Bruce managed to make up a rather good blue print of how they needed to go about this. He still opted to simply phone in and get help to witch Tony firmly said no. "Last time I hired help, there were twenty sweaty workmen in my private elevator. I'm not doing that again." Bruce had sighed in annoyance but didn't feel up to arguing with him. It was a losing battle no matter what proof you brought up against him. "So what all do we need now?" He asked as he looked over Bruce's shoulder to see the plans. "Seems we have everything except… nails."

Bruce nodded a bit as he skimmed over his work. He was trying to figure out the best way to go about this. It shouldn't be SO hard considering he had a demi god and Iron Man to help. How convenient that the other Avengers were gone away for the moment. "Thor would you mind going and getting some nails from the sore." When he didn't get and answer the doctor repeated himself, only looking up when he still had no response. "Thor?" Bruce had to blink at the sight. He didn't really believe it. The demi god was standing there, JUGGLING all of the on power tools as if they were nothing! Chainsaw, power saw, the works! "Thor!"

"Alright I am leaving!" The blonde said with a roll of the eyes as he turned to walk off, dropping all that he was holding. Tony barely had enough time to move before the power tools fell to where he was and slicing the billionaire in two. How was the blonde even managing to pull such a feat off…?

"Well well well." A voice called out making the doctor freeze as he read over the blue prints. Beside him Tony scowled and let out an annoyed sigh. 'X-Men' he muttered bitterly. "What are ya losers doin' now?" Said the rather gruff voice belonging to the one and only Wolverine.

The doctor sighed and took a few steps over to the mansions next doors mutant staff. "If you must know we're adding on to Stark Tower." Honestly he was having a hard enough time keeping Thor and Tony focused on one task. He really didn't need the X-Men here to make matters worse…

"Pfft~!" Scott stepped over to Logan's left with an amused look across his face. Always the sidekick to whatever Wolverine was doing… "We did that last week! Didn't we Remy?" The Cajun male smirked a bit and nodded as they stepped aside, the new X-Mansion all but shinning in the doctor's view.

"Oui. Took us all of what, couple of hours?" Remy's cajun-sweet voice added as he grinned and looked back at the scientist. "It is what inspired y' t' do it as well, non?"

Bruce tore his eyes away from the massive house at the question. He blinked for a moment and shook his head. "No it's actually because Thor has to much-"

Wolverine cut the doctor off with a roll of ice blue eyes as he turned to walk off. "Anyways we'd love ta stay and watch ya guys fail but we got better things ta do." He smirked and started to head back inside.

Remy followed his lead and only Scott stood there looking rather dumbfounded for a moment. "We do…?" As if it suddenly came he grinned and nodded. "Oh Y-yeah! We do! REEEEAL better things!" There was a moment of silence, Logan and Remy both stopping mid stop to give the man a glare out of sheer disbelief. Logan finally recovered first and headed off, grumbling under his breath at how big of an idiot Scott was and how one day he was going to punch him in the face… Bruce let out another sigh as he rubbed his temples. Honestly, he didn't know why they and Tony felt the need to have their own private completion going on…

"Hey." Tony's voice called out making the doctor lift his head. "What did our neigh-BORES want?" He was absolutely beaming at the pun, one that Bruce just had to look at him for a moment. Had he really just said that…?

"They were just poking fun again." He said turning back to get to work. No point getting Tony worked up and have a 'my-horse-is-bigger' competition born out of this. That was the last thing that they needed. Bruce let out a small sigh and was about to get back to work when out the corner of his eye he noticed Tony in the Iron Man suit aiming a blaster at the support beam! "No Tony don't! Don't destroy that!" His warning was a waste as seconds later it fell along with the frame work…

**…**

At the hardware store that the demi god had finally managed to find, Thor was looking around with childlike amusement. Midgard had many tools and things of the like that he hadn't ever seen! But, he had been sent here for a reason! So his interest in all of the strange new objects would just have to wait until he got-… Whatever it was he had been sent here to get. "What was it Banner asked of me…?" He wondered aloud as he looked around the store and tried to think back.

"_Thor. I need you to take this money and buy ANYTHING THAT ISN'T NAILS~!"_ Bruce's voice happily rung out in the thunder gods head.

"_Also Thor! You are incredible!"_ Now it was Tony's chipper voice adding to Bruce's and then they both spoke.

"_Hurray for Thor! Yaaay!"_

Thor smiled to himself pleased to have remembered what he had come here for in the first place. Patting his pocket to make sure the 'credit card' he'd been given was still there, (something he didn't understand in the slightest. How was plastic payment?) he walked down to fill a basket up with anything that wasn't nails. …Whatever nails were in the first place.

**…**

Back at Stark tower Bruce was watching as Tony added a few steel beams up to the tower in replace of the support beam he had destroyed. He looked over in time to see the demi god walk up and smiled a bit in relief. Least they could get more done now. "Great Thor's back. Thor did you get the nai-" Bruce paused mid-sentence as he looked down in the bag Thor held out for him. The thunder god looked beside himself with pride on his 'findings' and Bruce looked at him, brown brow arched. "Thor, where are the nails?"

The demi god froze. Riiiight… He was supposed to ONLY get nails. Not everything but. "Oh right yes. Those. The store I went to was… Uhm, out. Yes. They were out of nails... Or… something." He smiled at the doctor and looked absolutely innocent.

Too bad Bruce wasn't buying it. The doctor let out an annoyed sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Honestly why were they doing this when there were people all over New York willing? "Fine. I guess we will just have to make do with this stuff for now." What was chewing gum, a pack of staples, and a plastic camel even good for?

**…**

What seemed like one building montage full of disasters later, the men were done. Tony grinned to himself as he dusted off his hands and flipped the helmet of his suit up to see better. "Looks like it's finished!"

If by finished he meant a horrible disaster… The slightest breeze made the extension blow in the wind and squeak! Nobody in their right mind would go up there. "Uh… Yeah…" Bruce said, rather worried look crossing his eyes. This wasn't going to end well.

Thor didn't seem to share the doctor's worry and had much the same mind as Tony. He was walking around inside and taking the new floor in. He stepped over to the window and opened it to shout out to the pair. "If I had to give some criticism it would be this." He said eyes serious and for a moment Bruce thought the demi god might be coming to his senses… but it was short lived. "This must be the best thing created by anyone ever!" His loud voice boomed and he looked back around the room.

"Well of course it is. I was directly involved." Tony grinned to himself and hovered back to the ground where Bruce was looking up with worry. That thing was NOT stable… Not at ALL.

"Well it's certainly an improvement." The gruff voice broke the billionaire's admiration of his work and he frowned, looking back to shoot the Canadian a glare. He was about to say something but Logan beat him to it. "Nice roof ya got there bub."

"Really?"

"NO." All three X-Men said in unison making Tony glare and flip the mask down as he aimed a blaster at them. Bruce quickly grabbed his arm and held it away as the three walked off laughing.

"Alright! That's it!" Tony shrugged off Bruce's grip and stepped over to the front doors. "Jarvis! Call Fury. I'm about to cash in my favor." He folded his arms over his chest in annoyance as the AI connected the billionaire and Tony spoke to the director of S.H.I.E.L.D. "Yeah It's Stark. Remember how I saves not only your ass but all of Manhattan's? Well it's time to pay up. I need another floor added to Stark tower a.s.a.p. …A day? Fine. Make it happen."

**…**

A day later the three returned to find the last floor added and the tower now complete. Bruce blinked a bit about to ask just how that was even possible when Tony and Thor left him outside in favor of looking around the newest floor. Well it was spacious he guessed. Much better than having Thor's 'treasures' be thrown all over the place. "All in favor of moving Thor and his junk up into the top floor?" Tony asked with a grin as he and Bruce both raised their hands. Thor, who already had about two armfuls of his things in his hands didn't even bother saying anything as he made himself at home.

Later that night the demi god was sound asleep sprawled out over his bed as usual. The only difference being that now he had a bit more room on the top floor. His slumber didn't last long however as laughter woke him and the blonde blinked, sitting up. "Who dares wake the god of thunder from his sleep?" He asked looking around the darkness? "Anthony? Banner?" Once more there was no response and he had been about to simply ignore it when he noticed a strange frost suddenly come racing at him! "Back demon! Not in the face!"

From the floor below his, Tony tossed and turned. He let out an annoyed grumble as he could hear the thunder god going on and on… "Augh! I thought I was done with this when I left the floor under Clint and 'Tasha's!" he muttered as he held the pillow over his head trying to block out all the noise.

**…**

**A/N:** I want to dedicate this in the memory of Edd Gould, the wonderful creator of Eddsworld and the one who owns the rights to 'Hammer and Fail'. The plot doesn't belong to me nor do the Avengers. Part 2 will be up soon so stay tuned!


End file.
